lakshan - The Whinging Pome

May 9, 2022July 13, 2020 by lakshan

In ten years of owning a house near Victoria Golf Club and Country Resort in central Sri Lanka, I’ve never stayed more than three nights in this most scenic location. This time it’s ten nights so I am looking for some new experiences, new encounters, etc. Clearly getting more golf time is also key, so five days of golf are planned.

View from The Glasshouse Kandy Digana Sri Lanka — VIew of the Knuckles Mountain Range and the Victoria Reservoir from the house

Ultimately these golf games just reinforced my long-held view that not only am I not a natural sportsperson having had clubs for over thirty years but I’m likely to be at my worst now. When I first took up golf 3 decades ago, which was more driven by the fact I met an attractive divorced lady who played of a handicap of eight, I later ranked her much higher in bed, she also gave me golf lessons.

Five days of four hours a day and the of the golf course reminded me why I built a house here in the first place. The Victoria Golf Club and Country Resort was completed in 1999 and wraps around the various waterways of the Victoria Dam. It has been voted best golf club in Asia, one of the Top 100 most beautiful course in the world. It was the vision of Mark Bostock who negotiate a long lease for some 520 acres though not all used for the course. Troon, a Dubai based golf company are now getting the greens up to standard, but they don’t even need to touch the natural beauty of the landscape. This includes an array of trees, many different stretches of water, some rock formations on a backcloth of the surrounding mountains. This makes it a challenging course. There are only five fairways on the course that you could describe as flattish whilst the majority would be considered more than undulating and in places quite demanding.

Hole one stars from an elevated position for the men’s tee off. Jezzabel asks why do men always tee off first?

Because the game was invented by a man!

is my standard reply. The likely origins of a golf type game are from China or from Roman times through Scott’s say they invented the modern game of golf back in the 15th century, they sure didn’t get it from the Romans. It wasn’t until the twentieth century that women were allowed to play on golf courses. Even today prize money for women’s tournaments are not as high as that of the men’s.

The course has an array of trees, not all indigenous to Sri Lanka, you can sight the dam from the fourth fairway. It is a great place for a champaign breakfast which we tried about eight years ago. Mountain vista, monkeys, an array of birds and dogs are common on the course. I’ve only seen snakes on the golf course twice and I suppose I’ve played over 150 games of golf. One was a Russel Viper that a caddy alarmed when picking a ball out of a drain cover, he then clubbed it to death with Jezzabel five iron, she was not amused. The other snake sitting when I saw my golf ball in the rough and went to pick it up and saw a cobra some feet away. Not the first time happened with this species of snake. At the age of five in Livingstone Zambia, I was playing in the garden and a cobra went up in the air directly in front of me. My Scottie dog rushed in front of me barking and the snake thankfully went off.

Finally at the 17th hole with the green looking like a carpet with a long and straight. The last fairway, the 18th looks similar but everyone wants to head to the clubhouse looking as though they’re playing the best game ever. You have to be an optimist to play golf and that as you hit every ball it’s going to go exactly where you want it to go. The 19th hole traditionally is the bar. The Victoria club has opened a new open style bar. Staff and fellow players will console you, commiserate with you or celebrate on your excellent game of golf.

From my first round of golf to my last on this trip, I’ve had the services of a cady who has immense patience and understanding with an ability to speak English. Lakshme, who has a 10 handicap helps me a lot. Behind the mask, she looks in her twenties but she tells me she has a daughter who is studying to be a doctor and a son who is in university. Then when she drops the mask to drink a bottle of Fanta She still looks so young. Perhaps its the clean air, the exercise. the family community, the locally grown fruits and vegetables available along with no booze that makes for the good life

Meeting up with the Victoria golf crowd is enjoyable and ensures you get all the local gossip, it’s a small community and its nice to have the time to reciprocate on entertaining. There is a colourful mix of ex-pats from around the word though Swedes German English are the main nationalities who live in the prestigious houses With stunning views built into the hills. All of this in the secured grounds of the club.

It’s been a couple of decades since I personally have done a barbecuing, the issue in Sri Lanka is that the household staff want to cook. I’d forgotten how much I enjoyed cooking on the barbi. In our Colombo apartment, the nearest we get to a barbecue is a raclette where the cheese goes under a grill and mushrooms and meats are put on to a hot plate. When living in England I was known amongst friends as the person who did the first barbecue of the year. Normally in Spring. Fifty percent of the time the event ended up being held in my garage as the weather was so unpredictable. On one occasion in our home in Yorkshire England a 16th-century block of cottages at an altitude of 1500 feet above sea level, I invited my parents to the barbeque. When I commenced “The burning of the food” as my dad called barbecues. which he hated, his hat blew off into the field below.

He said,

Bloody hell I’ve never been so close to god. – He was a Methodist Minister at the time.

Our guests join us at our home at Victoria for the weekend, these are people I hardly knew four months ago but now having all been in the Monarch apartments during COVID-19 we are together like long-standing friends. The group include Sri Lankan’s, French, Dutch, Caribbean and Australians. The Knuckles Mountain Range is on view from most areas of the golf club and we find the time to visit The area again with the crowd from Monarch. Lovely drive up to Rangala and then a bit higher. The walk takes us passed a waterfall and tree house but the leaches get the better of the girls and some of the chaps so we turn back.

The walk then becomes easier on a minor road through the pine trees. Stunning views and changing landscapes. The next day we walk for ten minutes down to the water and enjoy swimming in the reservoir.

There is also a lots to do at Victoria; horse riding, tennis, walking, exploring the 2000+ year old Bambaragala Rajamaha Vihara Temple which is only a fifteen-minute drive from the clubhouse, Serious hiking in the 60 mountains of the Knuckles range is about forty minutes away and heading east you visit Sri Lankan’s Aboriginal indigenous Veddas.

May 9, 2022June 3, 2020 by lakshan

“Good Morning Sir!“ I hear from the twenty or so people sweeping various paths around the South West Beira Lake as I undertake my seven o’clock walk. For me, this is the heart of the new city of Colombo. It has a charm of its own, with the masses of birds, pelicans, ducks, not so wild roosters and the more exotic cormorants, egrets and more. From every part of the walk you’re surrounded by the up and coming new apartments and shopping malls whilst in the distance, there are skyscraper hotels and apartments on a slow build program over the coming years.

Walking around the lake is a pleasant 35-minute stroll but there are some obstacles, such as crows who swarm about early in the morning and during sunset, and bats that sweep across the area at dusk. This all creates a lot of smelly poop.

Debris from lack of maintenance, unfinished projects interspersed with filthy rubbish is to be avoided. Cement bollards laying on the path have dropped from the road above whilst others are ready to fall given further erosion; and again, no maintenance. All of this around a deep green polluted lake with a five-story eyesore of a building that has been in the slow process of being built over at least the last twenty years I have lived in Colombo. This partly finished building houses the Renault car showroom, masses of discarded building materials, generators sitting on the pavements and a collection of rusting cars from the sixties and seventies. I doubt there is any planning approval for this adhoc looking building. The ever-expanding Gangaramaya Temple creeps out more and more into the lake as a never-ending building project. All this has resulted in the decreasing size of this small lake from its heydays.

The History of the four Beira Lakes goes back to the Portuguese time in Sri Lanka when they were building waterways around the Fort area as a form of defence. A plaque named after a Portuguese engineer was found in a sluice gate enshrined “De Beer 1700”. Hence the name “Beira”. Origins of his name are hazy but are believed to mean “anchor point or edge of lake“, though there is also reference to a Captain Brito who was responsible for the digging out of swampland to create the lakes. The Dutch used the waterways for moving goods on barges whilst the British got rid of the crocodiles and maximized the lakes for water sports eg rowing and yachting. Trust the British in 1810 even created a mini Kew Garden on Slave Island. In 2016 a Singapore consortium proposed funding and running parts of the lakes and fort as a tourism /real-estate investment. Don’t we wish that would have happened? There are boats on this part of the Beira lake today but they are limited to the pedal swan floats, mostly used by couples who want to have a private cuddle and a kiss.

The Altair Apartment block is very visible, the so-called architectural wonder of the city with its leaning front tower, sadly it is many years behind schedule but there are many other towers in a worse financial situation and destined to take another decade to be completed.

To give the lake a nautical feel there is a scattering of old anchors and other memorabilia. A dirty little open style cafe sits on the corner of the lake surrounded by trees. This is not a recommendation to visit as I think its a hang out for tuk-tuks and taxi drivers, it is a dirty ramshackle facility. Overlooking the lake is the new Colombo City Center, a most welcomed modern extension of Colombo’s shopping experience, though nearly two years on it still has over 20 shop sites empty. All these new developments come with a heavy unhealthy vehicle traffic density and the resulting pollution by mid-afternoon makes this side lake not too healthy to be walking.

Given all of the above, I still recommend you take a lakeside walk early or late in the day when there is less heat, but you are guaranteed pooping crows and bats. If you are a high-speed walker, stay on the road, if your pace is slower walk the path and see the sights, you will not get bored.

May 9, 2022June 1, 2020 by lakshan

If like me, post – COVID you are craving once more for that daily coffee and breakout from home or office, here is a summary of my experience pre the virus and lockdown. Having had coffee-loving visitors from Australia staying with me for a couple of weeks I decided that I should have a coffee stop every morning. This would be after a ninety minute walk about in Colombo with croissants also being offered.

The colourful and historic walking tours covered Fort, Beira Lake, Marine Drive, Lotus tower, Pettah, Slave Island and the (not so) floating market.

The coffee and the croissants summary:

Kingsbury Hotel: Great coffee. Big cup but the worst Croissant ever (probably a day old, not fresh). Friendly service and a view of the pool.
Whight and co. Marine drive: The best Coffee and the best Croissant of the tour. Sadly toilets and maintenance not so good. Sat outside and watched the rolling sea and the trains go by.
The Nippon Hotel, Slave Island: No croissants so we didn’t stay, but nice chat with the receptionist. First time I’ve visited the place. Used by the English military back in the day, nicely renovated.
Cinnamon Grand Hotel Coffee Stop: Nice Coffee, Friendly staff, good toilets. More a pastry place than croissants.
Bread Talk near Park Street Mews: Fresh open plan cafe, plenty of friendly staff. Good Coffee but the croissants were a bit small. However, lots of other food choices.
Cinnamon Lakeside, Basement: Went to the bar on the ground floor and was directed downstairs to the coffee shop. Its been the same for twenty years, no views, bit of a dungeon. Friendly staff and nice strong Coffee. Croissants not memorable.
Grand Oriental Hotel, in front of the port: Limited selection, dark lobby so didn’t stay. I do like the open deck (holds six people) on the top floor for a beer and the best view of the port.
Hotel Marino Beach: Staff not very inviting. Confusing which floor to go to. Saw a hectic restaurant and decided it was not the place for a morning coffee.
Dutch Hospital Coffee Shop: Staff was a little arrogant. No skimmed milk. Coffee strong and tasted good but pricy compared to other locations. No croissants that day but great-looking cakes.

In summary, the best Coffee/Croissant combination was in Whight and Co, though they need to upgrade the place a bit – not the best place to walk to. No pavement, on one side, it’s the busy Marine Drive and on the other side a narrow useless pavement needing repair and too close to the railway. The company has now opened in a prime location up in the downstairs of One Gall Face Shopping Mall. Only issue is that they do not take American Express. I didn’t get to go to ‘Coffee Bean’ this time but my airport experience with them it is always rip off prices. When I asked the manager why he said “because our rent is so high”

During the curfew, I would like to thank The Barista Truck for visits to our apartment, Sugar Bistro (best croissant at a great price and good coffee), the Ramada Hotel for their 24-hour coffee service.

So join me the Whinging Pome on tour in Colombo, historic walkabouts, dirty bar crawls, waterfront walks, wine whinges and wonders.

May 9, 2022May 24, 2020 by lakshan

I recall the story of Sri Lankan father who was holding his three children as the tsunami hit. He had to let go of one child to save the others.

For many governments, companies and people around the world, it must feel like they are drowning over COVID-19 or its aftermath. For theses groups today it is little use in giving solutions from previous experiences. Some say history tells us how we should deal with current and future issues. I somewhat doubt this happened on COVID-19. There are few textbook solutions or rule books, we are all on a steep learning curve. Whilst some countries are turning the corner on controlling COVID-19 the sad conclusion is that many countries did not learn from their successful neighbours who took action early, eg wearing masks, having a clear strategy and believing testing was key. Today we see countries are opening up and getting back to work at the sacrifice of the epidemic growing eg USA, UK. Other countries, in spite of all the lessons around the world, have failed to rise to the later challenge and our now badly trending on death rates E.g. Brazil and Russia.

Sri Lanka is an International holiday destination and a country whose biggest foreign earnings come from Sri Lankan’s working abroad. The country had a number of COVID-19 affected people coming to the island. The government was perhaps about three weeks too late in getting hold of the influx of potential carriers. They recovered quickly, and to date whilst there have been 1000 with the virus of which 250 were from the navy forces cases and only 8 deaths have been reported. Full military lockdown came quick and lasted 8 weeks. Essential services manpower were only people out and about and the wearing of face masks soon became compulsory. We are now ending a 9-week curfew and within a week we will see most establishments reopening to some extent. I’m sure however some have actually gone to the wall and a number will not survive the year-end. Sri Lanka is not blessed with a government able to fund and assist those who need help, from the basic to business needs. There was a project to give farmers a one-off 30$ equivalent hand out which failed miserably In many areas for many reasons.

In the last few days, we have had the tail of Cyclone Amphan hitting the coastline with heavy winds and disruption causing yet another delay for many in getting back to business and daily routines. This is an island that in most people life’s they have witnessed what some call a civil war, lasting some 28 years. In reality, it was a group of extremists who occupied a large area of north of the island and brutally treated the people whilst also bombing and massacring thousands of Sri Lankans. The LTTE fighters took children away from their parents to train them to be child soldiers. In the middle of this war, the island was hit by a devastating tsunami killing over 30,000 people.

Sri Lanka Tsunami in 2004 | MediaJet / CC BY-SA (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0)

So I’m somewhat confident that Sri Lanka will bounce back in its own way, the people have an inbuilt resilience. Successive governments have had a “beg, steal or borrow” attitude which will continue no doubt for another decade. Sri Lanka is a paradise island with an abundance of natural resources, 1000 waterways, 1340 kilometres of shoreline and a strategic location for East meeting West and the superpowers all clambering to extend their influence. [ China …USA …India ]

So, Sri Lanka is not going to drown but ironically we do need swimming lessons as drowning is the second biggest accidental killer on the island with over 1100 deaths annually with few tourists in this number.

Barrack Obama recently was asked how we should respond to today’s crazy world, he said

don’t be afraid
do what you think is right
be guided by the truth inside yourself
build your community

I would NOT be interesting to get Trump’s answer to the same question

Cover photo by dronepicr, available at https://flic.kr/p/MnDCkf under Creative Commons Attribution 2.0

May 9, 2022February 13, 2020 by lakshan

From our mountain retreat called The Glass House, we overlook the Victoria Dam, which is some 30 minutes from Kandy in central Sri Lanka. Behind the water we see the Knuckles range of mountains. There are some 34 mountains though we can see only seven or eight. So, for about ten years we have shared this view with many friends in the cloudy mornings, baking hot days to nighttime lights and full moons. It takes an Aussie couple from Singapore visiting us to organize a guided tour of the Knuckles. Amreesh, pre books and pays for the tour and at 7am in the morning we wait at the gates of the Victoria Golf Club for the expert guide, a botanist and well-spoken bilingual man in this area to appear. Instead we get Shani, with a bandana round his head, who speaks no English and mutters in Sinhalese as he crunches through the gears of an aging Nissan Patrol Jeep.

After about 45 minutes we hit the town of Rangala, which almost sounds like a cowboy town in the Wild West, but not so. A little further up the mountain we are in a little community, “one horse town” as my dad would call it, lying at the last altitude of tea estates and line houses in the area. We then head further up the mountain and our experienced driver hovers in the middle of the road and takes evasive action on a regular basis as we face on coming tuk tuks driven by like-minded suicidal locals. As the Jeep hurtles round the bends the driver looks at anyone who talks to him, taking his eyes of the road. We arrive at a smart house on a hill in a little hamlet and the Nissan grinds to a halt. Via a few Sinhalese words from Amaresh we gather we are doing a circular walk of about four hours to a waterfall. We are all well booted, as we have read this is one of the toughest walks on the island and have anti leech plastic leggings. Shani says it’s not the season for leeches, but we will prove him wrong by the end of day on this and a few other things.

We pass some houses and the kids come out and shout “bye” instead of “Hi”. A brown and white cross breed dog with a collar on comes and joins us for the trek. At each stage the of the walk the dog runs ahead stands on a rock or high ground as we pass him, it’s like something out of a movie, as though he is guiding us and looking out for us on the walk, he stays with us the full five hours of the walk.

We climb about 1000 ft initially through discarded tea plantations then into the forest where the path becomes a bit harder and then through the trees on a track up and down till, we get to a beautiful waterfall with a ledge open to the mountains and trees below us. We rest and have some biscuits and water to help build up our strength for the next leg. Moving on and upwards we are in rough terrain needing all four limbs and some good luck, it is physically challenging, and you need someone in front to pull you up and someone behind to give a push when needed.

We don’t get the detailed commentary as we walk through the Knuckles Forest Reserve which is a UNESCO site but pass masses of flowers and bushes and trees that we would like to know more about. This area has masses of flora and fauna. In terms of wildlife its quite disappointing, though we find fresh leopard poo, or so Shani tells us.

Other than that, its only two lizards and a wild fowl and some small birds we can hear but not see. The descending walk takes us onto a rock plateau with spectacular views. This Forrest has the reputation of being the toughest of walks in Sri Lanka, and guides are mandatory. The climb down is also taxing as each step is a decision, given loose rocks, different drops, water hazards, and your body’s own downward momentum.

We ask Shani if we are on a circular route and he confirms we are, 30 minutes later we are back on the same track we had come up on.

“How far now,” we ask.

“Not far” we think is the answer, there is another 90 minutes of walking, however. We get back to our starting point and enjoy a late local rice and curry lunch in an immaculate clean house of a local family. Meanwhile one of our party, reaching some depths of fatigue goes off in search of a coke, with no shop in sight but surprisingly returns with bottle in hand.

After five hours of grueling walking we are all quiet in the Jeep as we head back on the twisting roads to Victoria passing the school kids all smartly dressed in their blue and white outfits walking home. So good to see that Sri Lanka has maintained the school uniform system but disappointing that its teaching methods are still so outdated.

We no doubt will return to Knuckles. There is another 250 square kilometers for us to trek in, but it will be essential to have competent guide.

May 9, 2022September 18, 2019 by lakshan

Checking in for the night flight from Mumbai back home to Sri Lanka I have one of those pleasant surprises! I’ve been upgraded to business class! I historically felt that this was part achieved if you’re suited up (wearing a jacket).

The Whinging Pome Random Rule No. 122:

Always wear a jacket when boarding a flight Tweet

But today airlines are more processed on who gets the unpaid upgrade.

I’m on the back-row window seat of business class and a lady joins me in the adjourning seat; from her attire I can tell she is a Bohra. The clothing gives it away. Colorful, modest and covering the hair. Her food tray arrives, and she says to me in very humble voice

“why have I been served first”.

I explain that the crew serve the furthest person away.

“technically it’s me, but they served you”

This was the start of a two-hour conversation with Fatima. Whilst I’m asking lots of questions, she freely tells me more about her life; her children who are seated in the row in front, the larger family and mainly the religion she belongs to.

For me, it was a fascinating few hours during which my knowledge of the Bohras went from practically zero to feeling, well, not informed but enlightened.

I notice her English is without any accent but with a wealth of adjectives. As she had boarded the plane in Mumbai, I’m assuming she is an Indian, but listening to her speak made me ask the question –

“so which country are you from I can’t place your accent”.

She responds by telling she was born and brought up in Mumbai but educated in a Catholic Church, despite belonging to a staunch Bohra family. I read an article recently that said Bohra women were the best educated in the Indian sub-continent but it was not the time to question this with my neighbor.

Over 25000 Bohras from around the world are descended on Colombo for a week, some for two weeks and our plane is full of them. My only knowledge of this group prior to this flight is when they departed via the airport duty free shop in Sri Lanka and cleared the shelves of chocolate, whilst obviously buying no liqour. They follow a branch of Shia Islam and the embodiment of Fatimid Imamate.

People from the Bohra community which is said to be numbered over a million, visit various countries where they have big populations, eg: India (especially Gujarat), Pakistan, North America, Sri Lanka, parts of Africa. Their leader is the 53^rd Mufaddal Saifuddin, a descendant of Mohammed through his daughter Fatimah who is presently based out of Mumbai. They follow a branch of Shia Islam with seven pillars/ traditions of these are faith, purity, prayer, giving, fasting, visiting Mecca and struggle. They have their own mosques, believe in prayer five times a day and fast at Ramadan. They also believe in social order and have a sharp eye for business.

The timing of this visit is amazing and critical for Sri Lanka which is still dealing with the trauma from the Easter bombings of 2019 by an extremist Muslim group. Religious tensions have been aroused and possibly stoked by political leaders. So, the decision to hold this gathering in Colombo less than six months after the bombing is amazing, courageous and a major credit to this religious group. They have been to Colombo many times before and their reputation as a peaceful, respectable and moderate people goes ahead of them. Put 20,000 plus religious tourists in an extended city of two million population and they become very noticeable, all major hotels are filled, and roads closed to facilitate crowds round their mosques.

During the week following the flight in to Sri Lanka I observe the Bhoras out and about and have a few conversations with some of them when the chance arrives. I see fun loving chatty people who are very respectful, polite with staff in the hotels and are dressed immaculately. Perhaps I’m seeing the cream of the cream of their society. Though I do giggle a bit when I see the men with their immaculate white three-piece outfits which includes a hat called “topi” and wearing NIKE or other branded trainers. The ladies do the same.

Thank you for visiting Sri Lanka when we most needed you! eg: post the Easter bombings 2019.

Sri Lanka looks forward to their return another year!

May 9, 2022March 5, 2019 by lakshan

In my book “The Whinging Pome – To The Point”, I include over twenty Whinging Pome Random Rules. These are generally one liners that come to mind in response to a situation, an interface/ an interaction with someone, a circumstance that you cant believe you are in or as an advisory note to other people who may be in similar circumstances or need some words of encouragement.

Why have i called them random? Because they are of the moment and initially you cant plan when to use them. Later some of the rules become repetitive. Some examples are “The Whinging Pome Randum Rule No.1, always hang with positive people” and “The Whinging Pome Rule No.45, never walk past an Irish pub” (meaning always go in an Irish pub)

There are now 100+Random Rules and one liners from the Whinging Pome, some from the book, some from articles printed in magazines and newspapers and some in stories lined up for book two.

I suppose most of us, if asked to think hard, would admit to having some one liners we like to use that are rather born out of some circumstance/ incident or perhaps passed down from friends/ relatives/ business partners. How many of these one line statements, or life rules do you get on your Facebook or WhatsApp? More than one a day .

If, like me, one liners flash in your mind as someone else uses them, eg. my old boss who regularly used two.

“Never attempt winning moves from impossible positions”

Which was normally followed by

“Always remain on the board of play”

From ridiculous situations or just interfacing with people of different nationalities, I have examples from many countries, but mostly from India as i spend so much time there. Given that so many people speak English but come from a different culture, their use of English can have its own interesting interpretation. In the book, Random Rule Number 47 is “what you see is not always what you think” referring to a memorable incident in India, involving a chunky horse painted as a Zebra in Mumbai.

My other two Indian favourites are;

“Madam we go backside route”, which in fact means the driver is taking the lady round the back of the shopping mall, and

“I know where your house lives” interpreted as i know where you live if I have any problems

Last weekend I heard two more that id like to feature in my next book;

“I think that chap is wired up differently” polite implication the man is a fool

“Never go native when you are an expat”

The list goes on, but from my expansive list of Random Rules, these are a few of my favourites.

“If your friend snores , sleep with his wife”
“Travel first class, if you don’t your kids will”
“Make your life a vacation”
“Life is a negotiation”

Do you have any Random Rules to share for a potential Whinging Pome Book in 2020?

May 9, 2022February 15, 2019 by lakshan

Its about a three hour drive from Colombo to Dambulla in central Sri Lanka and night time driving is faster than daytime. The biggest hazard on the roads are the many drivers who overtake on blind bends in the road at speed. This normally calls for evasive action by the potential recipient of head on crashes. Upal, our trusted driver ensures we get close to our destination but satnav and google maps are not working. We manage to ring our host who says “find the Dialog tower and we will send someone to meet you”. Its ironic how, with most of our communication down we are sitting in the car below the said communication tower.

The Whinging Pome Random Rule No. 104

If you rely solely on technology have a plan B. Tweet

Its pitch black as we await the caretaker, Nandasari. Sitting in the jeep on an unmade road next to a lake, my mind wanders to Elephants, quite common in this area. Our black jeep is about the size of a female elephant, on impact not sure who would come off best, hoping for no surprises. Nandasari flashes his torch light at us and we follow.

We arrive at the River House, rustic though built creatively on a series of cement pillars and RSJ’s , infilled with old timber as the ceiling, and see through blinds to keep you close to nature. Its 3am in the morning and with our hosts we sit by the river and have few gin and tonics and hit the sack by 5am.

The openness of the rooms manifest itself with no ceiling to most of the bathroom, and we are joined by the many creepy crawlers that exist in a forest next to a river, today its mainly centipedes. These little creatures are not to be underestimated. Some years earlier Jessebel and I were stopping at The Culture Club hotel in Dambulla and stayed in a luxury mud hut. It sounds a contradiction but inside the room was well equipped , clean and was substantially furnished. Before we went to bed Jessebel had the management get someone to spray the outside of the hut.

At least three times I heard her say, “I don’t want a snake or animal getting too close”

She is frightened of snakes, spiders and crawly things. Strange for a girl brought up in Australia, but she was a Sydney girl. At about 2am she jumps out of bed saying there is a snake in the bed and its just bitten her, although I tell her “that’s ridiculous and get back to bed”, she insists on a full bed check. After so much fuss and screaming, there is no snake. we go back to bed. Morning sees a lump on Jessabel’s arm the size of half a chicken egg. We rush into the reception and the staff member looks at the lump and says “Centipede madam, need cream”

A slow start by all in the morning reveals the house sitting on three acres of wooded undulating land at the confluence of a stream and a river. The peacefulness of the place embraces you. There is a light drizzle which chills us and makes you feel even closer to nature.

We set off from Dambulla, stop off at a nearby hotel and pick up a safari jeep. In twenty minutes we are in the game park area and head to Muralu Park noted for its elephant herds. There are about 60 jeeps and off-roaders in the car park and about fifty people trying to buy entry tickets for their group. Our jeep driver asks us to pay him Rs.8000 so that he can get the tickets.

The Whinging Pome Random Rule No. 105

The locals will always find a way to rip you off Tweet

We join the queue, after a twenty minute wait we have to pay about 3500 rupees including a 1500 rupees charge for two of us foreigners. For a local its 90 rupees. I don’t mind subsidizing the locals but what really gets my goat is when Sri Lankan’s say that when they go to England they always pay more than the locals to gain entry into galleries or stately homes . Rubbish. In fact to get into our amazing cathedrals and some museums its free, try getting into the major temples in Sri Lanka for free if you are a foreigner.

Even though I could show the ticket man a copy of my passport/ residence visa on my phone, he insists on seeing my actual passport and I don’t carry it.

“Young man”, I say in a condescending tone , “I could get into your international airport, get a flight ticket issued without having need of an actual passport, do you think I’m going to steal one of your elephants? “

The standard Sri Lankan shrug of his shoulders means that either he has no understanding of English or as a government employee he doesn’t give a shit.

We then queue again, not quite queuing more like a stampede of revving four wheel drive jeeps all hovering to pass through a narrow gate to have another official check of the paperwork. On all but one Elephant sighting we are accompanied by fifteen to twenty seven jeeps in utter chaos, many facing each other like a bulls about to charge. Other jeeps are some 100 yards away circling awaiting to get into the arena.

Having just come back from Jaipur Leopard park where they limited the vehicles to 15 in the morning and 15 in the afternoon, this circus in most Sri Lankan game parks is disappointing.

At the only non manic sighting we saw a small herd and a playful youngster who just wanted to roll on the floor , the herd started to move on and the youngster still wanted to stay put, then an elephant of a similar size came over and whispered something to his brother or sister on the floor.

“Get up ,we’re on the move, mummy will be cross. Let’s go and find a bigger crowd of humans we can look at.”

From my numerous safaris in Sri Lanka, South Africa, Namibia, Zambia etc. I have never been so close to a family of wild elephants before.

The girls in the team are keen on a foot massage so we head round the lake and get to the iconic Kandalama hotel, built on the rock with water to three sides. I’ve never been impressed with its entrance with part of the hill in its narrow badly lit entrance corridor. My positive memories rush back having walked through the dark reception and dark lounge to the panoramic lake view and infinity pool. Taking a seat on the terrace I order a filtered coffee but after fifteen minutes get a Sri Lankan coffee of very weak nature. Complaining as the Whinging Pome does often, the chubby middle aged sari clad lady returns with a Lavazza coffee and a big smile. Five minutes later all hell breaks out as over sixty Chinese tourists arrive shouting at each other and being shouted at by the tour guide, they flash their cameras whist posing in their tracksuits .

“I gotta get out of this place, if its the last thing I ever do” comes into my head. Its an old number from the Animals pop group of the 1960’s operating out of Newcastle in northern England. Ironically I had some drumming lessons from the bands drummer, john Steel, a decade or so later.

My discomfort must show as the chubby smiling staff member says, “the coffee is on the house, no charge”. I could have kissed her on her big lips as it meant I got off the place asap. Chinese tourists are here to stay and are the biggest nationality of out bound travelers with many countries including Sri Lanka relying on their numbers to keep tourism flourishing.

May 9, 2022January 24, 2019 by lakshan

We arrive at Haldummulla Tea Estate three days after Christmas via a precarious road on which a four-wheelu00a0 vehicle is essential. Itu2019s raining sideways accompanied by a noisy wind. The bungalow has two big bedrooms with rustic furniture and dated but not glamorous bathrooms. Itu2019s only 5pm but we decide to hit the mulled wine, play monopoly, light the fire and await the change in the weather. The smoke from the fire brings our monopoly game to a hold. We open all the windows.

The Whinging Pome Random Rule No. 97

Never judge a place when you arrive in the rain, in the sunny morning you will have a different view. Tweet

The next day in glorious sunshine we walk down to the four-story tea factory called Needwood, with its rolling out buildings and the tea workers small community. Each house has distinctive coloured walls and the kids shout u201cbyeu201d when they actually mean u201chiu201d or u201chello u201c. Through the factory grounds we enter a dense pine forest hill which we climb to discover old Portuguese fort walls. In its heyday this fort must have looked out strategically over a large land mass.

On our way we drop into Diyatalawa railway station and get a warm welcome from the station master who explains the he still controls whatu2019s moving on the rail track with British equipment that was installed over a hundred years ago. Quaint Station with a lovely photo in the office of the platform of the station in the Boer war [1900] with troops and some Boer prisoners. We are told that over 5000 Boer prisoners were brought from South Africa between 1899 and 1902 and kept in camps nearby.

On our last night we all went out and star gazed, a most wonderful sight, given so little pollution about and our high elevation. As we leave our little bungalow, we again hear the sounds of music. Its Tamil Hindi new year and for three weeks every morning and evening they play their music.

May 9, 2022December 5, 2018 by lakshan

We land at Berlin’s Schonefeld Airport which was built around nineteen forty but we pass the new Billy Brandt airport which looks like Greek architecture. It was due to open in 2010 but now planned to open in 2020. Doesn’t sound like German efficiency. The German immigration takes a nano second to look at my passport let me in. Ah British you see, honest chap, wait till post Brexit. My wife with a Australian and Sri Lankan passport takes somewhat longer.

Our first visit to Berlin some decade ago was predominately a sight seeing hectic five days following the guide books and the very clear subway instructions to get about. Each morning we and our friends were out of the hotel by 9 am and exhausted arrived back to the hotel by 7 pm. Berlin is a great city to walk about but as I always say,

The Whinging Pome Random Rule No. 107

When in a city for the first time, always do the hop on - hop off bus tour. Tweet

For the chaps in the group Berlin it is a chance to see all those places relating to the second world war and a then a divided city. The girls manage to start off well but by lunch time the shopping is their focus. We stop at the Brandenburg Gate quickly, wearing an American military jacket from the photographer who snaps away. Off to walk along side the remains of the Berlin wall snapping photos of various art and graffiti. The stories came to life when we did the Berlin tunnels and bunkers and then went to Check Point Charlie, and the overshadowing McDonalds. The best place to see a complete recent history of World War Two, the activities of Hitler and his regime, the persecution of the Jews is seen at the Topography of Terror outdoor and indoor museum. Its important to ensure you check out where to start your tour, as its easy to start at the post war section. Look out for the brass plaques on the pavements around the city relating to a location a Jewish family lived before they were taken away and to what concentration camp they were taken to.

The Grand Hirtenstrasse, built in 1842 with a stylish restaurant and a small fun club above was a great start to another night. Then a mad merc taxi drive to the bar in Stauffebergstraza, Hotel Maritime, with a great pianist and singer, nice bar, a few geriatrics but crap wine. Onto the Monkey Bar, but big line of people trying to get in and get upstairs in the small lift. This rocking bar faces the zoo. The the next night we hit Junction bar but too late for live music so on to Basement bar 20 people dancing, 20 others watching, music of the 80/90’s, cheap booze, DJ knew his stuff sitting in little booth with grills in front. Down to earth fun and mainly locals.

We just had to revisit the The Berlin Wall again before we leave but we couldn’t find some of the old graffiti we had photographed a decade earlier. We found some new wall art however. Our next visit will be focused on the pre world war two and more time in galleries and museums with a drive round town in an old trivant car.