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Paul Topping

Paul Topping

The Whinging Pome’s Random Rules

In my book “The Whinging Pome – To The Point”, I include over twenty Whinging Pome Random Rules. These are generally one liners that come to mind in response to a situation, an interface/ an interaction with someone, a circumstance that you cant believe you are in or as an advisory note to other people who may be in similar circumstances or need some words of encouragement.

Why have i called them random? Because they are of the moment and initially you cant plan when to use them. Later some of the rules become repetitive. Some examples are “The Whinging Pome Randum Rule No.1, always hang with positive people” and “The Whinging Pome Rule No.45, never walk past an Irish pub” (meaning always go in an Irish pub)

There are now 100+Random Rules and one liners from the Whinging Pome, some from the book, some from articles printed in magazines and newspapers and some in stories lined up for book two.

I suppose most of us, if asked to think hard, would admit to having some one liners we like to use that are rather born out of some circumstance/ incident or perhaps passed down from friends/ relatives/ business partners. How many of these one line statements, or life rules do you get on your Facebook or WhatsApp? More than one a day .

If, like me, one liners flash in your mind as someone else uses them, eg. my old boss who regularly used two.

“Never attempt winning moves from impossible positions”

Which was normally followed by

“Always remain on the board of play”

From ridiculous situations or just interfacing with people of different nationalities, I have examples from many countries, but mostly from India as i spend so much time there. Given that so many people speak English but come from a different culture, their use of English can have its own interesting interpretation. In the book, Random Rule Number 47 is “what you see is not always what you think” referring to a memorable incident in India, involving a chunky horse painted as a Zebra in Mumbai.

My other two Indian favourites are;

Madam we go backside route”, which in fact means the driver is taking the lady round the back of the shopping mall, and

“I know where your house lives” interpreted as i know where you live if I have any problems

Last weekend I heard two more that id like to feature in my next book;

“I think that chap is wired up differently” polite implication the man is a fool

“Never go native when you are an expat”

The list goes on, but from my expansive list of Random Rules, these are a few of my favourites.

“If your friend snores , sleep with his wife”
“Travel first class, if you don’t your kids will”
“Make your life a vacation”
“Life is a negotiation”

Do you have any Random Rules to share for a potential Whinging Pome Book in 2020?

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